Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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