I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
