My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
