dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
