Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
