idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
