We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
