Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
