he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
