i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
