Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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