I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
