I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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