Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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