apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
