Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
