God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
