Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
