So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
