It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize