So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
