man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
