I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize