just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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