I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
