she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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