hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
