dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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