he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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