I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
