My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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