Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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