put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
