so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
