I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize
