dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
