you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize