also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The air taste purple.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
