the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
