only if we run a train.
done.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
