last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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