now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do vagina's smell?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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