i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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