He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
