What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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