I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
