Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
