I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
