The maid of honor just puked.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
