Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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