im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize