guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
