why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
