just come out here and I will go home with you...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
