Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
