Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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