she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
