she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
