someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
