ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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