just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
