i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
