Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
