I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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