wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
