She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
