The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
