Screwed.edu
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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