Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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