porn star boner night. come get it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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