i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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