I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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