I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
