THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The ass gains better be worth it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
